I hate days like today, I’m run down and i feel so miserable to the point where i hate everything and i can’t stand anyone. Crying for no reason and feeling like a burden are the two ingredients for a disastrous mood.

I want to crawl into a ball feeling sorry for myself and never come out.

Dear Summer,

I don’t like sleeping without you.
I don’t like coming home from work to no pillow talk.

Hurry home pretty girl

Yours always,
Jessie

xsx

happyhappyhappy
mondaymondaymonday

Remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
And I thought it was strange you said everything changed
You felt as if you’d just woke up
And you said “this is the first day of my life
I’m glad I didn’t die before I met you
But now I don’t care I could go anywhere with you
And I’d probably be happy”.

I hate an empty bed. It’s one of my major pet hates, i want snuggles and giggles. I want to fall asleep settled and then wake up to more snuggles and giggles. Two whole weeks i have to wait for Summer to come home. I’m missing her already and i only said goodbye this morning. She’s not even out of the country yet.

I start my training for my new job on Monday, i don’t know if i’m worried about the training or about the whole meeting new people. I feel like i’m lacking in confidence when it comes to interacting with people i’ve never met before. I used to be really confident and some have said i have the gift of the gab, whether they were being sarcastic or not though is beyond me! I’m gonna get stuck into my diet and excercise again on Monday too and walk home every day from work apart from when i have my driving lessons.

I’m looking forward to tomorrow night having the guys over for some garden antics, should be nice.

Life is difficult. If we have any sense we do not try to go it alone. In my opinion trying to go it alone, refusing to take wisdom from wherever it may be found, is the characteristic not of the adult but of the child, not of the strong person but of the person who is afraid that their weakness will be discovered.

One of the photographs from the shoot i did with Robert and Paris yesterday!

People complain way too much, myself included. We are all too busy dwelling on the bad things to notice the good things going on around us. People don’t appreciate the small anymore, it’s all about what they can benefit and how fast they can get it. I feel like life is changing so quickly and I’m just just sitting back watching it, I’m not embracing it or enjoying it. I feel like I’m in a bubble and i can’t find anything sharp to pop it. I’ve been trying to figure out what friendship is, what the true meaning behind it is. I’ve had so many friends in my life and now i couldn’t tell you one thing about them, i probably wouldn’t even recognise them if i saw them. It’s sad how someone can mean so much to you and then you don’t even acknowledge their existence.

What is a true friend? Someone who goes out and gets drunk constantly, they’re never one to stay to stay in? Always up for a party, has you laughing non stop and never makes you think of the bad? I think that’s a load of rubbish, i feel like i have too many of those people around me. Of course we want people to go out with, have a good time with but what about when the parties stop and the clubs shut. Who are they then? I’ve been thinking about the people around me a lot lately, and which people are sincerely there for me. Not just when i wanna go get drunk or fool around. The people i can actually call when i don’t feel very good, when i need someone to listen to me. When i just want a simple conversation, no bitching, no drama and no complications. Just a general conversation. Good conversation is so hard to come by lately, i feel like everyones forgotten how to be intellectual. I don’t care whose sleeping with who, and if that girl added your boyfriend on Facebook. I generally couldn’t care less, but perhaps it’s me whose to blame. Maybe i just don’t care as much as i used to or maybe i’m just growing up. Either way, i need to re arrange the people in my life because half of them drain the life out of me.

Today i am bored and for once wished i’d gone to college but i really didn’t see any point. All i had to do was hand in some work and well, that’s why we have our teachers emails. I think i’m gonna have a work out, read through this contract and have a lazy day although i’m really restless.

Also, everyones going to town tonight and i think my invite got lost in the post!