I haven’t felt this rubbish since last year. Today has had my head in one big mess, feeling miserable is an understatement. Today you were born but you sparked no emotion from me at all, it sounds bad but I couldn’t care less. You’re just his other chance to bring up a daughter in a respectful manner. Ive been thinking a lot about where my life has taken me in the past 6 years and i feel ashamed at myself. I have let myself be everything I swore I never would be. I’m weak, stubborn, insecure and lost. Life has always had a funny way, giving me happiness then taking it away straight after. I don’t know if i miss you, or I’m sad we failed. I really love you, of course i do. You are my father but to me that is only a name. I feel like you have to love me, it’s just what fathers do. That isn’t enough for me though, I need you to look after me and not be on your high horse judging me constantly. I’m happy and I thought that would be the only thing that matters to you but I was mistakened.

My day has resulted in me being an absolute birch. I’m quiet, snappy and I don’t want company. I want to hibernate till i stop feeling like this. The only person i want and need to see, i can’t.

Fuck it